Twelve things the AmeriLife has taught me:

1. Don't put metal dishes in the microwave. Unless you're trying to burn the house down.
2. "You're a dirty plant!" is the best insult ever.
3. You can never have too many brands of hot sauce.
4. "Clean kitchen" is an oxymoron.
5. Criminal Minds > all other cop shows.
6. On the east coast, slugbugs are called punchbuggies. (weirdoes.)
7. We learned it all from Google!
8. There will always be two jars of the same thing open.
9. Coffeepots and sauce pans are acceptable replacements for a bowl.
10. All vehicles deserve a name.
11. Fried eggs, over hard. Try them.
12. If you're trying to look hardcore, hold a pulaski.